Defragmentation
by Hari-Aisu
Summary: This wasn't real. It wasn't. And Light would keep on pretending that everything was as perfectly compartmentalized as always. Memory. By. Memory.


A/N: It's been awhile since I've come out with something as poignant as this. I wish I could give you guys _more_ at the moment but I am going through a very personal crisis that is semi-reflected within this tiny piece. I hope you guys read this with an open mind and, if not enjoy, at least reflect how this could affect you.

Here's a little bit of what I can impart and once again enjoy. If you guys like this I may expand this story a bit more. That is all. :-|

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><p>Title: <em>Defragmentation<em>

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><p>The staccato rhythm of his fingers against his left thigh was the only sound that Light could concentrate without unfailing hesitation. The distant chatter of the receptionist on the phone with what sounded like her significant other rambled into a messy concerto of wordless noises, the screeching of the chairs beside him and low murmurs rumbling around the room became collective accompaniments that reverberated into an echoing silence within his interior consciousness.<p>

Dark auburn hair flopped over honey-brown eyes.

Crimson lips pursed, teeth gently gnawing at the plump bottom in a shaky manner.

"Mr. Yagami?"

_And there went the silence._

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><p>"<em>Mom?" <em>

"_Yes dear?" _

"_I need you to do something for me." _

"_What is it dear?" _

"… … _Can you buy me a pregnancy test?"_

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><p>"Are you alright bro?" Sayu's narrowed gaze hurt more than Light thought it would, the thoughts floating within his head crying to be spilt from his lips. "You don't look so good."<p>

"I'm fine."

_Lies._

"You better be; you have finals coming up don't you? You didn't work so hard for that degree just to let it go to waste did you?" The carefree smile lingering over his little sister's lips hurt more than expected. The usual blank slate the college student's face represented would not adhere to his expectations, leaving only a grimacing mockery of a grin. "Light?"

"Sayu…" Instead of the awkward beam Sayu's bright sepia eyes were met with a somber gaze and a quivering expression that could not be described as painful but no other word seemed to fit. "I need to tell you something."

"What?"

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><p>"You're next Mr. Yagami." The nurse smiled, radiating patience. "Please follow me."<p>

_I just want to run._

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><p>"<em>Oh my God." <em>

"_Mom…" _

"_Light, I'm calling your doctor." _

"_Mom… please, come here."_

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><p>Sayu stared in disbelief.<p>

Hands shaking.

Lips trembling.

Eyes blurring.

Together, they moved as one, fingers slipping into interlocking sockets until flesh met flesh from knuckle to knuckle.

"But… you're only 22! That's not… they must be wrong. It's wrong. Please, tell me they're wrong…"

Light kept silent.

He repeated those words every chance he could get but knew they were wasted, inked letters scribbled on a sheet that formed nothing but nonsensical verses compared to the facts presented in verbal word.

They meant nothing.

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><p>The scraping sound of chalk against the chalkboard screeched vibrantly within his ear, making the lithe brunet jump within his seat. His professor's strict face glowed with a strange mixture of disapproval and concern.<p>

"Are you alright Light?"

"_Your appointment's today at three. Don't be late Light." _

"I'm fine professor."

_Just. Why more lies?_

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><p>The tiny room was filled to the brim with health posters (<em>safe sex, throat diagrams, ear canals<em>), so much so that the tiny bed shoved off to the side held little grandeur within the claustrophobic environment. His heartbeat thudded gently within his ear, the pain thrumming gently on his side beating steadily along with the organ's tempo.

Though Light's facial expression was blank his mind unfortunately was not.

And once that door opened they only increased with fervor.

_He had never felt such fear before._

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><p>The strain of the shower head beat over his head in a vicious torrent of pressure, the young man standing underneath the spray not quite comprehending what his hand was feeling.<p>

Taut muscles slipped into fluidity as Light slid down the shower door and hit the floor with a loud thud.

"That's not… _that can't be right_."

Fifteen minutes later the only thing left unchanged was the position the shocked graduate student had fell into.

As for everything else, that was a whole different story.

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><p>"I think I need a moment."<p>

"Of course Mr. Yagami."

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><p>It had been a week since his moment in the bathroom and Light, true to form, acted as if it had never happened. In the shower he would avoid the area unless it was wash it and even then it was scant seconds he gave to the part in question. If he was a bit moodier than usual no one commented on it, though many could already see the cracks through the usually impenetrable façade. The questions were held back at the moment but the light-haired male knew it was only a matter of time before they were carefully snuck into conversations and after that, he would become free game.<p>

For one golden week he pretended as if there was nothing wrong. That nothing had changed. That _he _hadn't changed.

The dull ache that followed that week, however, could not be ignored.

Light's body thrummed with anticipation, as stubborn as the mind it housed.

_Why couldn't he shake this feeling…?_

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><p>"<em>I love you Light." <em>

"_I love you too mom." _

"_No matter what happens…" _

"_I know."_

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><p>"My appointment's tomorrow." Light softly interjected before letting go of his little sister's hand.<p>

"What time?"

"You'll still be in school."

"Fuck school."

Light's glazed over stare narrowed.

"Will you at least call me?" Sayu shriveled under her older brother's glare, figuring a compromise was the best she could go for at the moment.

Once her brother nodded, she let go of the breath she had been holding.

Whatever happened, at least they had each other.

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><p>Light stared at the phone in quiet trepidation.<p>

The moment it slid open and the screen blinked on, he knew he could not hesitate. He would continually put this off if he didn't do this now.

So he did it.

He was unflinching.

And then he heard the receptionist's voice and the vomit lurking in the back of his throat lingered until the next day.

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><p>The pamphlet in his hands felt heavier than it should have.<p>

The tiny words. The proportionate the pictures. The laminated paper.

He wanted to throw the stupid thing away.

The doctor's soft voice sang through what would have to be done, how it would be done, the options available, the tests to be conducted…

_This is real. _

A soft tissue pressed gently against his cheek awoke the young man from his dream. The tears were wiped away and the cheek carefully caressed. Dark obsidian eyes were terribly empty, a caricature of care that Light did not care for but somehow _needed right then. _

_This. Is. Real. _

"Are you alright Mr. Yagami?"

The lines weren't nonsensical scribbles and he could no longer obscure his mind from the truth.

"I don't think so."

The doctor grabbed onto the thin body before it could drop on the floor, the very thin pamphlet sliding from Light's fingers and onto the ground along with him.

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><p><em>Testicular Cancer – Options That May Appeal to You<em>


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